Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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