Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
