i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
