I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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