omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The Olympian is in my bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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