Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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