Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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