This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize