Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
