If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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