The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
