Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
