I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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