When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When did angry sex become our thing?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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