i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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