I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
