first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
