im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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