Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
