I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
