the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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