You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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