What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
