I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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