Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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