so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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