mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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