the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
