I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
