Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
