Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
