so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
