I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
