At least make sure they are 18
Why
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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