My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
