I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
