I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize