after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Mom said you looked used
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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