guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
