cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize