Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
