Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
