I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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