don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
God, you're like boner-b-gone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
