I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
