I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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