A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
