grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Help. Why am I so naked?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
