I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
