Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize