i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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