I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
