Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
