YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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