Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
