I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
