I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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