even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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