Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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