im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
