I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
