I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
