trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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