You made me cry and you don't even care
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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