Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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