Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
