If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
