seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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