Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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