I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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