I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
