Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i came on her dog
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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