Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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