He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
