i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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