Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont even know how to be here
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
wow bdsm is so cute
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
