you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
