i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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