if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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